Gaslighting...

I've been watching Love is Blind on Netflix these past few months and this season has been nothing short of entertaining, chaotic and dramatic - as expected. I was listening to a podcast review of the show where they pointed out how certain couples were gaslighting each other and how that affected their decisions to stay married or not at the end of the show. This piqued my interest to do some research on gaslighting and I think the results will surprise you too! If you think you haven't been a victim or perpetrator of gaslighting, you probably have. Don't believe me? Read on to find out...

The term “Gaslighting” is not a new phenomenon—it comes from a twentieth century play called Gas Light in which an abusive husband attempts to convince his wife that she's going insane by making small changes in the home and denying they happened so that he could keep the house to himself. That's a snippet of its history but today gaslighting presents in many different forms. Can you guess which of these phrases are a form of gaslighting?

• "I'm sorry you think that I hurt you" or "I'm sorry you got upset but..."

• "Do you really think I'd make that up? You just don't remember what happened"

• "You know I'd never intentionally hurt you"

• "I did that because I love you, you know that right?"

• "You're too sensitive" or "you're too needy"

• " You're so spoiled" or "why do you keep asking me for things?"

• "As a woman/man, you should/n't be....."

• "No one will believe you if you say that"

• "It's not that bad, other people have it worse than you, be grateful"

• "You don't really feel that way now come on"

• "Are you sure about that? you know you have a bad memory"

If the answer was all of the above, you're right! These phrases are all examples of gaslighting.

Gaslighting is the act of (intentionally or unintentionally) manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, memories and perception of reality. It affects a lot of us more often than we're willing to admit. Today, it's considered a form of abuse because it makes someone feel confused and disoriented about what's happening around them—and can cause them to question their own perceptions of reality. Gaslighting can happen in all sorts of relationships, in social, spiritual or professional settings, with parents, partners, spouses, family members, friends, or coworkers. The goal is to make someone doubt themselves so much that they stop trusting their own instincts and sense of self-awareness.

In practice, some classic signs that you're being gaslit include:

• Feeling like you're losing your mind

• Having trouble sleeping at night

• Feeling like you can't trust your judgment or intuition

• Doubting your own memory, feelings or perception of events

  
  

Unfortunately, gaslighting is not uncommon. But speaking up about it, as difficult as it may be, is the first step towards setting things right. Sometimes people are willing to listen and respond honestly to criticism when they're being called out on their bad behaviour. But the truth is also that sometimes you can't confront gaslighters because they may just end up turning it back on you and gaslighting you to believe that somehow your reaction to their blatant manipulation is an overreaction. It's completely insidious.

The best and hardest thing you may have to do is cut off these relationships or distance yourself so you can grow and heal well, however that looks like. Courage isn't always about being the loudest and most confrontational person, sometimes it also looks like silently walking away from situations that no longer serve you. Other practical ways to respond to gaslighting include:

• Journalling, so you can record your reality, perspectives, memories and perception of events that you can always refer back to

• Talking to someone trustworthy who's intentions for you are good and whose perspectives on different situations can be trusted

• Being intentional about recording your memories, taking pictures etc.

• Setting up healthy daily routines that benefit your holistic health

• Seeking professional help i.e. therapy.

If something feels off, it probably is, trust your gut instinct about people. Gaslighting is problematic because it often seems subtle at first, and if not quickly identified and ousted, it can worsen and lead to tremendous pain. Even if we know better, humans are hard-wired for self-doubt and can be made to question themselves over time. However, hope is never lost! It's important to remember that often these acts of manipulation and deceit can be mitigated once you finally decide enough is enough!

There's no shortage of content to write about on this topic but I'll leave it here for now!

Catch you in the next post!

Chich